i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
