I seem to have left my pride at pride
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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