Don't you send me to vm
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
