I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
