Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So squirting runs in the family.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
