I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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