you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
