This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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