i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
