We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ladies don't puke and tell
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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