Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
