thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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