We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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