It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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