btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
