i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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