So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
