Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
