I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
