I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
