The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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