i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
