'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
