girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
