Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
