I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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