I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
