plz talk dirty to me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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