her vagine was all disorganized.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Randomize
