I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
