Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
