I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
