So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
