and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The adults are the big ones right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
