Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
