I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
should my penis look like a turkey
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
