I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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