hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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