i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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