I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
