My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
