Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
