Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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