so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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