talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
