i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
