Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
