I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
