i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you inspire me to be a worse person
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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