one might say we're banned from that church
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
