Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
