you turned your livingroom into a bong?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
