I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
