he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
