Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
