Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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